Different yet the Same
by PPP SSC
Summary: Ike and Heather attempt to form a friendship from animosity through several double dates; perhaps they really do have more in common than they at first thought: Ike/Soren, Heather/several people. Rated M for sex, sexual themes, and language.
1. Differently Same Lifestyles

Different yet the Same

Ike was getting ready for the day. He walked out to the river to wash his face. It was still soaked in sweat from the day before. He sat down by the riverside, dipping and wringing and washing his face. Today he was going to the market to pick up some meat for the following dinner.

Meanwhile, on another side, Heather was getting ready for the day. She donned her stealthiest attire and headed out to the market. Today she was going to pick up some fruit for her mother.

The two headed separately to the market. But once they convened in the center, they bumped into each other. Literally. "AH!" Heather screamed as she fell to the ground.

Ike walked up to her and asked, "Hey, are you okay? I'm…"

"What?" she snapped, "Watch where you're going you pig!"

Ike looked woefully at his gut. "I swear I have a fast metabolism!" he shouted.

Heather was confused for a moment. Then she realized what happened and laughed, "Oh, you must have thought I was referring to your eating habits… would 'hound' be more appropriate?"

"I don't know why you're insulting me, but it hurts and I wish you would stop," Ike said, "I was _trying _to apologize for bumping into you."

"Yeah, yeah," Heather said, rolling her eyes, "I'm sure you were just _shocked _to bump into an attractive young woman, and didn't like it _one bit."_

"Well… why would I like it?" Ike asked, "I mean, I hurt you…"

"But if you _didn't _hurt me then you would like it, correct?" Heather accused.

"I wouldn't feel as bad about it, but I wouldn't _like _it. Why would I _purposely _bump into someone?"

"Stop playing dumb," Heather said, holding a knife, "And leave me alone or I will stab you."

"Okay, _okay!" _Ike said, "I'm sorry I said anything!" Ike ran off without picking up the meat. Three young women came over to Heather; a tall blonde, a large brunette, and a short redhead.

The blonde asked, "What the hell were you _thinking?"_

Heather said, "I just got rid of a pervert. That's what I was thinking, hottie."

The brunette added, "That was Ike."

"Oh, it was?" Heather asked, "I _vaguely _remember him…"

Heather's idea of Ike is that of a muscle-bound idiot who says "Duhhhh" all the time, has sharp teeth, and rapes every woman in the army.

"But he didn't seem _quite _like my memory," Heather continued.

The redhead said, "YOU COULD HAVE SLEPT WITH IKE!"

"I have no _interest _in sleeping with Ike. He probably sleeps with all of the girls anyway," Heather said, "And I have no interest in seeing him again."

----

Ike walked back to the market with a glum expression on his face and no meat.

Soren was at the doorready to comfort him. "Oh, Ike," he said, "What happened?"

"Do you remember seeing a blonde thief around?"

"A blonde thief?" Soren asked, "You mean Heather?"

"You know her?" Ike asked, surprised.

"Yes," Soren said, "She was in that army that we just led… a month or two ago? How could you forget so soon?"

"There were a lot of faces in that army and I can't be expected to remember every one of them!" Ike said. "Anyway, it was obvious she doesn't remember me…"

"How so?" Soren asked.

"Well, she seemed to think I was some sort of pervert," Ike responded.

"You? A pervert? _Noooo!" _Soren responded sarcastically.

"You're biased and I overrule your opinion!" Ike shouted, carrying Soren to the bedroom, "But now, why don't I give you some concrete evidence to support it anyway?"

"Ike, it's _five p.m. _Please put me down and wait like a good boy."

"You're no fun," Ike said, obeying reluctantly.

"Oh and speaking of five p.m., where is the meat?"

"Oh crap," Ike said, slapping himself in the forehead, "I forgot because I got so annoyed with Heather."

"Aww, man!" Boyd shouted from another room, "Vegetable soup again!"

"Sorry, Boyd," Ike apologized, "I'll get it tomorrow."

Secretly, he wanted to get closer to Heather.

----

The next morning, Ike awoke to find that Soren was missing. Horribly alarmed, he went over and asked Oscar what happened to him.

"Oh, he just went to the market to pick up the meat," Oscar responded.

"Did he take a tome with him?" Ike asked.

"I don't see why he'd need one…" Oscar answered.

"Because there are thieves in the market! He could get mugged!" Ike shouted, "He DID take one, didn't he?"

"I didn't pay any attention," Oscar admitted.

Ike ran to the market to check on Soren and, as luck would have it, bumped into Heather. Again.

"YOU!" she shouted, "I told you to LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"I swear it was an accident," Ike said. "Since we're on the subject of accusing each other of things without evidence, I just want to tell you that if _you _mugged Soren you are _dead."_

"I don't know who Soren is, but even if I did, I wouldn't mug him. Besides, you wouldn't kill a girl, would you?"

"I don't see why not!" Ike shouted. "I have to kill _men _all the time! And it hurts!"

Soren, holding the meat walked up to the altercation and shouted, "STOP IT!"

"Why should I listen to you?" Heather asked.

"Because you listened to me during the war, and we won, _Heather," _Soren responded.

"You're… the tactician? Huh, you're kinda small…" Heather said.

"Hence why I'm the tactician and not a front-line infantry man," he answered.

The three girls from the previous day walked up to Ike and giggled. "Hey, Ike," the redhead said, "My sisters and I want you to follow us into a nearby alley."

"DON'T DO IT!" Soren shouted.

"Why not?" Ike asked.

"Because all they want to do is rape you!" Soren responded.

"Rape me? I doubt it. If they try, I can just fight it off," Ike responded.

"Well, what is the _benefit _of following them?" Soren asked.

Heather responded, "Even if they don't rape him, they'll probably take off their shirts and then Ike can look at all their bare boob glory."

"That's disgusting," Soren responded.

"True," Ike said, "Sorry, ladies, but I'm not interested."

"YOU'RE NOT?" the blonde girl asked. She lifted her shirt. "What about now?"

Ike covered his eyes, and Soren slapped himself in the face. Heather stared. And drooled.

The blonde put her shirt down upon seeing Heather. "Can I help you, madam?" she asked.

"You can do whatever you want with me," Heather said sexily.

"That's gross," the blonde said, "Come on, ladies, let's get away from _that _girl before she ruins our purity." Heather began to cry.

Ike shouted futilely, "It's not gross! And what purity, you sexual harassers!? Curs…"

Heather was still crying. Ike looked down at her and said, "Hey, don't cry."

"What do _you _want?" Heather asked.

"I want to give you a shoulder to cry on," he responded.

"I'm so… upset right now," Heather said.

"You're too good for those girls anyway, Heather," Ike said, "You shouldn't hit on just anyone. You should seek the people who make you feel like you're the most valuable person in the world."

Ike grabbed Soren's hand at that moment, "I know that from experience."

"You two are…" Heather said, shocked.

"Yes," Ike answered, "And how you couldn't have gathered that from the fiasco with the three girls is beyond me."

"I was… too busy thinking about how hot the girls were to notice…" Heather said.

"Oh, right," Ike responded.

"Listen," Heather said, "I'm… sorry about what I said yesterday… and this morning." She blushed sheepishly.

"Heather," Ike began, "I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship."


	2. Double Dates

Author's Note: Ah, there's nothing better than Random Name Generation for Ike's previous blind date set-up scene. S = all playable characters in Path of Radiance. By the way, the women who show up are as follows: Mia, Ilyana, Lucia, Lethe, Lyre, Nephenee, and Vika.

Ike, Soren, and Heather all walked together back to the mercenary fort.

"So, really, you just like to stab things?" Heather asked.

"Hey, MY weapon is good for slashing too!" Ike responded.

"I guess you and I really aren't so different," Heather said.

"No, we're not," Ike answered.

"Listen," Heather said, "I guess I should leave you two alone for the night. Get back to my drab, lonely, girlfriend-free lifestyle."

"Hey," Ike said, "Soren and I would be happy to help you look for a girlfriend."

"You would?" Heather asked excitedly.

"We would?" Soren asked incredulously.

"Yeah! I know plenty of single women that I could set you up with!" Ike responded.

"Oh, thank you!" Heather shouted. She wrapped her arms around Ike.

"You're welcome," Ike responded.

Heather skipped home happily.

"We are NOT doing this," Soren said simply.

"But why not?" Ike asked, "Don't you want Heather to be happy?"

"Of course I do," Soren responded, "But… can't she be happy without our help? I mean remember the last blind date you set people up on?"

The last blind date Ike had set up was between Ranulf and Oscar, the former of whom wanted to get heated and frisky, and the latter of whom wasn't even aware it WAS a date. This resulted in some confusion when Ranulf pounced on Oscar and shouted, "Take me, baby!" Oscar thought Ranulf was high on catnip.

Assuming that Ranulf was inebriated, he simply responded "no," after which Ranulf burst into tears.

"Heartbreaker!" Ranulf screamed, "You ruined our date!" Then he transformed and ran away.

Several seconds passed, and Oscar asked the empty room, "That was a date?", shrugged, and walked away.

"But that won't happen this time!" Ike said, "Trust me!"

"Oh," Soren sighed, "I just don't…" Then he looked into Ike's blue eyes, "Dammit."

"I knew you'd come around!" Ike shouted, squeezing his partner dangerously hard.

Soren squeaked, "Ow."

"Let's celebrate our new arrangement!" Ike shouted, and carried Soren to his room.

"Oh, Ike," Soren said, as the larger man kissed and caressed him.

-------

"Okay, Heather," Ike said, "We're going to find you a woman."

"Your pants are down," Heather noticed.

"Oh, they are? Oh, yeah, that's right. I was in a hurry to meet you, and didn't get them up all the way," Ike said, embarrassed, pulling up his pants.

"You had a nice night, didn't you?" Heather asked.

"Oh, yeah!" Ike said quickly, hoping Soren wasn't coming around the corner. He whispered to Heather, "He's as compliant as a wall you command to stand still".

"Hmm…" Heather said, "Sounds like _my _kind of girl."

"I'll keep that in mind," Ike said.

Soren came around the corner with several papers.

"Soren," Ike asked, "What are the papers for?"

"They're advertising for Heather. Single women wanted. Is that good enough?" Soren asked.

"YES!" Heather shouted.

Several women showed up. One of them in particular caught his eye.

"Lucia?" Ike asked, "What are you doing here? I thought you were dating Bastian."

"I am, but…" Lucia said, "We have an _arrangement._"

"Duly noted," Ike said. "You're cheating on him."

"It's not _cheating _if we're not married," Lucia said.

"I'm not married to Soren," Ike answered, "Does that mean I'm allowed to sleep with Ranulf?"

"Of course it does!" Lucia answered.

"Oh, it does, eh?" Ike asked. Soren slapped Ike for being a pervert. Then he slapped Lucia for encouraging him.

"Oh my goodness!" Heather shouted, "ALL of these women look FABULOUS! I guess I'll just have to date ALL of them to see which one I like the best."

"Oh, we're dating a woman?" an excited Lyre asked her sister, "Cool!"

"It is not 'cool,'" Lethe responded, "It is disgusting, and I am taking my leave now."

"You're no fun, Lethe!" Lyre responded, "You're just afraid that you'll have the hots for her and then you'll be a BEORC-LOVING HOMOSEXUAL!"

Lethe hissed in response, "I am coming to terms with the fact that I may like ONE beorc. And HE is NOT THAT WOMAN!"

Soren hissed back at that moment. "Hands off, you bigoted hypocrite."

"I'M A BIGOTED HYPOCRITE? _YOU'RE _the one who calls me a bigot after insulting laguz!" Lethe said.

"THAT WAS ALMOST FOUR YEARS AGO AND I WAS DOING IT TO PROVE A POINT AFTER YOU INSULTED IKE FOR NO REASON!!!!"

Ike was terrified that if he did not intervene he would be a pseudo-widower. Just like that time almost four years ago.

"Stop fighting! PLEASE!" Ike said.

"You're lucky Ike is cute or you'd be dead now," both Lethe and Soren said in unison.

"Oh, I _remember you," _Heather said to Nephenee who was bashfully waiting in a corner.

"Oh, hi, Heather!" Nephenee said, "Are you here for the date?"

"Oh, yes!" Heather responded.

"Who are we dating anyway?" Nephenee asked.

"Me," Heather responded gleefully.

"_You?" _Nephenee asked. "I'm sorry, I thought we were here for a fella."

"Fellas are so BORING! No offense, Ike," Heather responded.

"None taken!" Ike said, "Crazy…"

"Come on, Nephenee!" Heather said, "Give me a CHANCE at least."

"Well, I've never been courted by a lady before…" Nephenee said.

"What about Calill?" Heather asked.

"Calill? She never courted me; we were just friends!" Nephenee said, laughing.

"Or were you?" Heather asked.

"We were," Nephenee said, "I swear. I've never been courted by a lady before."

"Have you been courted by a man before?" Heather asked.

"Yeah, once, but he ended up marrying Tamyra," Nephenee said, "Darn her perfect figure!"

"And who are you?" Heather asked.

"I'm Vika," Heather responded, "And you must be Heather."

"Yep!" Heather responded happily. "Alright, I want ALL of you lovely ladies to date me, so… who should I date first?"

"NOT IT!" Lethe shouted, as she transformed and ran away.

"Please excuse my SISTER'S rudeness," Lyre said, "I would be HAPPY to experiment with you!"

"I… can see why you like Ranulf…" Ike said hesitantly.

"I know! Isn't he great?!" Lyre shouted.

"How about… you?" Heather asked, pointing to Vika.

"Me? Well, I guess I could," Vika said.

"Okay, here's the deal," Ike said, "We have a double date at the Calill Inn."

"A double date?" Heather said, "Swell!"

"And Heather?" Ike asked.

"Yeah?" Heather responded.

"When you DO choose… I hope you don't choose Lucia. She's taken, you know," Ike said.

"That doesn't mean I can't try her, does it?" Heather asked.

"That's not my concern," Ike said, "I just don't want Bastian to end up heartbroken."

"Not a problem," Heather said, "She's hot, but so are all the other girls!"

"I'm glad you feel that way," Ike answered.


	3. Black Wings and Black Dresses

Author's Note: I am allowing reviewers to decide on the ending to the story. The options are Vika, Mia, and Ilyana. _If I do not get decisive feedback on this, then Heather will end up with a generic OC in the last chapter. _You can also say you would prefer that.

"I'm so pumped for my first actual date!" Heather shouted, throwing off her shirt and replacing it with a black dress. The shirt ended up on Ike's face.

"Heather, I would prefer it if you didn't toss your clothes willy-nilly," Ike said, "They still smell like girl."

"Don't be such a whiny little brat," Heather said, "You should be thankful I'm dressing in front of you in the first place."

"I thought the only reason you were was because you _knew _I didn't care?" Ike asked.

"I'm sorry about that. It's reflexive," Heather responded.

"Reflexive?" Soren asked, "How can it be reflexive when you would probably never have even had an occasion where it made sense to say it?" Soren curiously smelled Heather's shirt, "Ike, that's not 'girl' you're smelling, it's dog urine. And _I'm _curious why Heather was even wearing that stinky thing."

"I didn't want to ruin my good clothes on the job!" Heather complained, "I just grabbed six new outfits for these first dates."

"That's a nice color, Heather," Ike said, looking at the dress. He playfully slapped Soren. "Why don't _you _ever wear anything that revealing?"

"Because if I did, it would end up in a crumpled heap in the middle of the floor underneath your bed that neither of us could reach because I'm too short and you're too big around within five minutes of me putting it on," Soren said.

"So… what's the problem?" Ike asked, genuinely curious.

"Ike, if you _really _want me to waste money on clothes that you won't even let me wear, I'd prefer them to be _gifted," _Soren said.

"You guys are really comfortable talking about that, aren't you?" Heather asked.

"Hey, we're all friends here, right, Soren?" Ike asked.

"Absolutely," Heather said. "By the way, when's Vika showing up?"

Just as Heather's question got out, the raven girl was waiting at the window. "I'm over here," she said in a deadpan voice.

"Well, Vika," Heather asked, "Are you ready for our date?"

"Of course," Vika said, picking up her bags and heading toward the inn. She turned back to see her earthbound pals.

"Oh, yeah," she said back, "I suppose you'll need horses."

"That we will, my dear!" Heather said, "Because alas, I cannot fly like you."

"I'll meet you there!" Vika said. She took off, leaving the rest of the double date at the fort.

Ike shrugged, as he and Soren boarded a nearby horse. Heather was disappointed that her woman couldn't ride with her.

-----

"Welcome to the Calill Inn!" Largo greeted happily.

"We're so glad to be having you!" Calill shouted, "Tonight's special is roast beef. I hope that will be fine for all of you."

"It'll be _great," _Ike and Vika shouted in unison.

"Carnivore…" Soren sighed.

"I know, isn't it great?" Ike asked happily.

"Of course," Soren responded, smiling.

"So, Heather, how long have you been friends with Ike and Soren?" Vika asked.

"Including now? Two days…" Heather said, "But they make fast friends!"

"I believe you," Vika said, "Just like Micaiah."

"Micaiah? You made fast friends with _Micaiah?_ Well, I guess we can't _all _have good taste in friends," Soren said.

"Micaiah's a nice girl," Vika said, "And you should be more civil toward her."

"Well, well, well, if it isn't a little congregation of queerness!" a suave voice said. "It really is good to see you again, Ike."

"Same here," Ike responded. "How's Leanne?"

"She's fine," Naesala responded back, "In fact, she and I are…_ on a date."_

"With all due respect, Naesala," Vika said, "I think the election was stolen from you."

Naesala said, "To be fair, people are so dumb that they _would _vote for Tibarn."

"How are you?" Leanne asked.

"We're fine," Heather responded, "On a double date, as it were."

"Double date?" Naesala asked, "Does that mean that we can't stick around?"

"Well, I guess you can," Ike said, "I mean, it's not like it bothers us."

Alas, however, it had soon delved into a discussion about politics, with Heather on one side, Naesala and Soren on another, and Vika, Ike, and Leanne just trying to keep the sides from killing each other.

"You're a hack, Naesala," Heather shouted, "Selling your own best friend, shame on you!"

"Hey, I was planning to rescue him anyway, if _Tibarn _hadn't gotten around to it first."

"And at least _he _was only willing to sell his best friend for _money! _My _foster mother…"_

"No one wants to hear about your foster mother! How can you be for someone who supports racial segregation?"

"I don't support racial segregation! I just don't like making Brandeds!"

"Now, _that _is a sentiment I just _have _to agree with!"

"Why? _You're _Branded!"

"THANK YOU for just telling the WORLD that, Heather!"

"See? They're miserable! Why make them suffer more?"

"Guys," Ike said, "Please stop arguing…"

"Your man is a hack!" Heather shouted in the general direction of Ike and Leanne.

"Was that line directed at me or you?" Ike asked Leanne. Leanne shrugged.

"Although I do admit that trying to penalize children for the sins of their parents is ridiculous," Soren said, "So it's not really the making of Brandeds I'm against so much as the _attempting _of making Brandeds."

"Well, that's what I meant too, honestly," Naesala responded.

"You two are so cold-hearted," Heather said.

"I disagree!" Ike and Leanne both shouted, not quite in unison, as Leanne had to remember the word.

"Okay, okay, break it up! Heather, you're right about the selling thing. Naesala and Soren, you guys are right about the Branded thing! Now stop arguing and SHUT UP so we can have the nice dinner we planned on in the first place!"

"Sorry," Naesala said.

"We can talk about something else…" Soren said sheepishly, as the food was brought to the table.

"Like how tender and juicy that roast beef looks?" Ike asked eagerly, before digging into his plate. He then looked over at Soren's plate. "Are you sure you're not hungry? Soren, roast beef is _good for you. _It's full of protein and iron, both things you are severely lacking in."

"I'll eat it if you let me eat it out of your mouth," Soren offered.

"But Soren, I might eat it first," Ike said.

"That's a risk I'm going to have to take," Soren said.

Soren ate the rest of his dinner that way, and throughout the entire meal, Vika and Leanne were cooing and cawing about how cute it was, while Heather and Naesala's faces were instead painted with disgust.

"Well," Heather said, still partially disgusted, "Do you want to go up to our room?"

"I suppose," Vika said, as she nonchalantly followed Heather up the stairs.

"My dear," Naesala said, holding onto Leanne's delicate hands, "It seems as though the others wish for our evening to end."

"Of course," Leanne responded sweetly, and the two walked out into the plaza for a nighttime stroll-and-fly.

------

"That was _bad," _Ike said, "That reminds me why letting a politician join our date is _always _a bad idea."

"Hey," Soren said, "At least it was a cynical politician. Imagine how much worse it would have been if Tibarn had joined us."

"I can't say I think there would be a major difference," Ike said, "Except it would be Heather who was agreeing with him and _you _thinking he was a quote-unquote 'hack'."

"True," Soren responded, "But Tibarn is _huge, _and I am _tiny. _The size difference between Naesala and Heather and indeed the body composition differences are far smaller."

"Is it a problem that _I'm _huge?" Ike asked.

"No," Soren said, and then muttered under his breath, "Now…"

"Hey, even we are bound to make mistakes sometimes," Ike said, "And frankly I was never taught this and had to teach myself!"

"I'm just glad you figured out where it went…" Soren said, shuddering.

"It was ONE TIME! And I swear it will never happen again!" Ike argued, "Why won't you let it go?"

"Because it's more fun not to," Soren teased. "Aww come over you big lug!" Ike gladly followed and was swept up in a trail of kisses.

"I love you," Ike said, positioning himself in such a way that Soren was _quite _aware of his size.

"I love you…" Soren murmured, "Every bit of you."

-----

"So, Vika," Heather said, "I'm sorry that I got into a fight with Naesala and everything."

"It's okay, it's not like I know the guy or anything," Vika said.

"But isn't he your own former king?" Heather asked.

Vika laughed, "Oh, you don't understand! I'm from Begnion!"

"Begnion?" Heather asked, "Gee, I'm sorry I assumed…"

"It's cool, it's fine," Vika said. "I mean, when I said that the election was stolen from him…"

"Yeah, I kind of assumed that meant you participated in said election," Heather said, blushing.

"No," Vika said, "Not me. But right after the election I heard several hawks giggling about how their 'plan' had worked."

"You're so easygoing," Heather said.

"Well, you should be thankful I am," Vika said, "When I first wanted to make friends with Micaiah I got all nervous around her. I suppose I'm better around you because you're less… preachy? And less… famous?"

"Darling," Heather said, "A woman like me can't afford to be famous. People will shun me for my sexual orientation… and then because of my fame they won't think of me a hero."

"But what about Ike?" Vika asked, "He's REALLY famous and he doesn't even try to hide his sexual orientation, and people still think he's a hero."

"Ike is famous for his _deadly strength," _Heather retorted, "Firstly, no one thinks he's even a homosexual, and secondly, do you really believe the ones who do are brave enough to shun him?"

"You do have a point," Vika said. "Alright, Heather, let's do this thing!"

"I've been waiting all night for you to ask!"

"But Heather," Vika said, "It's nine o' clock."

"Fine, all _evening, _whatever."

----

"I _can't _believe you turned into a _raven, during _the act!" Heather laughed.

"Just be glad we weren't in opposite position…" Vika laughed as well. "But the best part was when you called me _Shirley. _Who the hell is Shirley?"

"You really want to know?" Heather asked. "My imaginary friend from when I was four."

The two women laughed, heading downstairs to the kitchen. Soren was already downstairs. Ike was still sleeping. "I take it you ladies had a good night?" Soren asked.

"She is _so _forgiving. I called her 'Shirley' and she didn't get mad at me, she laughed! I mean, if Ike called you something, wouldn't you get mad?"

"Only if he called me 'Elincia', 'Ranulf', 'Lethe' or 'Reyson'," Soren responded. "If he called me Aimee I'd just be confused."

"You guys talking about me?" Ike asked, coming down the stairs.

"Of course," Soren said, "Apparently, Heather called Vika 'Shirley' last night…"

"Oh, no," Ike said, "What happened?"

"Nothing," Heather said, "Sweet, glorious, nothing."


	4. Failed Seduction of the Simple Fraulein

Heather leaped around the room fancifully. "Isn't it a wonderful, wonderful day?" she asked.

"I don't see why," Ike said, "We're just going on a double date again."

"I know!" Heather shouted, "And NOW I get to be with _Nephenee!"_

"Yeah, I remember Nephenee," Ike said, "She was a great girl. She never struck me that way though."

"Don't worry," Heather said, "She'll change after an hour with me!"

"I… don't think it works that way," Ike said hesitantly.

"You'd be surprised…" Soren muttered, thinking about his own experience with Ike. If Ike didn't exist, Soren would have appeared incapable of loving.

"I have to go change into my red dress!" Heather shouted.

"You know, for someone who likes girls, you sure have a lot of different clothes," Ike said.

"You know, for someone who likes guys, you sure have a lot of bulging muscles," Heather retorted.

"Point taken," Ike said, "It was silly of me to stereotype like that in the first place."

"_Clearly,"_ Soren said, "Especially since those stereotypes don't even make sense! Titania likes guys and doesn't have _any _fashion sense, and Rhys likes girls and is only heavier than I am because of his height and body fat."

"Is it any wonder they fell for each other?" Ike asked.

"In my opinion," Soren stated, "It is not."

Nephenee finally reached the door and knocked. "It's all gonna be okay, Neph. It's just one date with a lady. Just _one _date."

"Why hello!" Heather said, looking at Nephenee.

Nephenee blushed upon seeing Heather's dress. "Nice… um… dress, Heather."

"Thank you!" Heather shouted. "Let's head to our date."

"She's sure excited," Nephenee said.

"Of course she is," Ike said, "Are you ready, Soren?"

"I'm always ready," Soren responded.

They headed off for the inn.

-----

"Back I see," Calill said, "Oh, you weren't here yesterday, Nephenee!"

"No, I wasn't, ma'am," Nephenee said.

"You don't have to call me 'ma'am', Nephenee," Calill said, "We're friends."

"That's _all _we were, right?" Nephenee asked hesitantly.

"Of course," Calill said, "I'm not _queer _or anything. But I see that maybe _you _are!" Then Calill started laughing and walked away.

"I'm… I'm not," Nephenee said.

"None of us are," Heather said, "It's just the _man _holding us down and calling us that. And by 'the man' I mean the law… not men. Just so you and Soren know, Ike."

"We're not morons, Heather," Soren said.

"Oh, how silly of me," Heather said in an annoyed tone of voice. "Ike, your boyfriend has quite a bark on him!"

"If you went through all the shit he did, you'd have a bark too!" Ike said.

"Ike, don't swear in front of Nephenee. It's not proper to swear in front of a lady," Heather explained.

"But… just me? Not you?" Nephenee asked, confused.

"I don't count. I'm _one of the guys!" _Heather said.

"You look female to _me_," Soren piped in.

"And you look female to me, but Ike swears that you're a guy!" Heather retorted.

"Heather!" Ike scolded. "Don't insult Soren."

"That was… a compliment… sort of…" Heather said.

"It was?" Ike asked. "Didn't _sound _like one."

"Shouldn't we get to our table?" Nephenee asked.

"Good idea," Ike said, as he led the others to the table.

Calill came by and mentioned the special, "Today's dinner is ham."

"Ham?" Nephenee asked, "That's my favorite!"

"I know! Isn't it a fantastic coincidence?" Calill asked. "I'll go get some for you and your pals."

Drunken singing was heard, "I SIPPED NO SUP AND I CRAVED NO CRUMB TIL I BASKED IN THE LOVE OF A LAAAAAAADYYYYY!"

"Hey is that…" Ike began to ask.

"Dear," a classy voice responded, "Please keep your voice down. We don't want to annoy the other customers."

"It is!" Ike said, "Over here, guys!"

"Ike?" Astrid asked, "I see you're on a date… oh, a _double _date! Are you sure we wouldn't invade?"

"It's a double date," Ike said, "It's about as un-intimate a romantic setting could get!"

"Seriously," Soren responded, "There's plenty of room."

"Well as long as you're SURE we wouldn't intrude…" Astrid said as she sat down hesitantly.

"Finally," Nephenee said, "A conventional couple."

"Conventional?" Makalov asked, water squirting out of his nose, "If this were 'conventional', then I would be an old aristocrat that she doesn't like instead of a young working class screw-up that she does! Isn't that right, Astrid?"

Astrid laughed heartily, and said, "Of course it is!"

"But at least you two are a man and a woman, right?" Nephenee asked.

"I don't really think that matters," Astrid said, "If you love someone, you should be able to pursue him… or her… regardless of what your atrocious boor of a father says!" Meanwhile, Calill was busy putting the ham on the table.

"I'm offended that you think my father wouldn't approve!" Ike said, "He would've."

"I mean, I suppose that maybe I'm just stuck in the past but… since when did this behavior become common?" Nephenee asked.

"It's not _common,"_ Ike said, "We just need to find support where we can get it."

"I think that you and Soren should be allowed to do as you please," Nephenee said, "But I don't think that this kind of thing concerns _me."_

"How is it any different from heterosexual love?" Ike asked, kissing Soren's hand.

"He means besides the whole, 'you like the same sex' thing…" Soren clarified.

"It's just… well it's not well received in my family," Nephenee said.

"You don't have to agree with them, you know," Astrid responded, chewing on a piece of ham. "I said 'fuck you' to my whole family."

_Everyone _stared, at the thought that a lovely lady like Astrid would even _think _of swearing that harshly.

"You did?" Nephenee asked simply, "In those exact words? I don't think I could _ever _do that…"

"Well, no," Astrid said, "Saying those words to my father would be tantamount to suicide!" Astrid laughed.

"Well, then how'd you do it?" Nephenee asked.

"Implicitly, by defying their requests and marrying Makalov!" Astrid shouted.

"And I'm sure you're happy and everything but me… I just can't imagine being with another lady!" Nephenee complained.

After dinner, Ike and Soren headed up to their room. Then Heather and Nephenee went up to theirs.

----

"Well, _this _was a disaster," Ike said, taking off his shirt.

"I disagree," Soren said, "This _will be _a disaster when Heather tries to sleep with Nephenee."

"You really think she's still planning to?" Ike asked concerned, "After the way Nephenee talked all throughout dinner?"

"She's Heather," Soren answered.

"At least _I _know _my _bed partner is reliable," Ike said, pushing Soren down into the bed.

"Ike," Soren said, "Your breath smells like pig."

"So does yours, sweetness," Ike responded. He took off Soren's clothes, and then his own. The two began their ritual, and they were _not _quiet. Nephenee in the other room heard quite clearly. Her eyes were wide open in shock, and there was not much she could do to make herself less uncomfortable.

"What's wrong, my dear?" Heather asked, "Are the men being too loud?"

"How can they be so… brazen?" Nephenee asked.

"Well," Heather said, "They're really in love…" Heather then began to move in for a kiss. "Just like I am with you."

"No," Nephenee said, "You aren't."

Heather was taken aback by this sudden assessment of her character. "How do you mean?" Heather asked, attempting to kiss Nephenee again, "You're beautiful."

"So are you," Nephenee said, "But does that mean I'm in love with you?"

"Of course not," Heather said, starting to become sad, "But I meant that was the _reason _that I was in love with you…"

"But you _aren't," _Nephenee said, "You don't know _anything _about me! What does my farm pride itself in growing? What is my _big sister's name? _What did my pa call me growing up?"

"I don't need to know these trivial things to know I'm in love with you," Heather responded, once again trying to kiss Nephenee.

"Heather," Nephenee muttered, "You courted me second."

"Well, yeah," Heather said, fumbling around for the words, "But that was just, I mean, well…"

"Please realize," Nephenee said, "I am not willing to settle for a woman who doesn't love me when I can have a man who does."

"But Nephenee!" Heather shouted, "You're hurting my feelings. Please, just give me _one _chance."

"Heather," Nephenee said, "I must have your word you don't plan to judge me."

"Judge you?" Heather asked, "Why would I?"

"Calill did," Nephenee said.

"I promise," Heather said, "Now can we make love?"

Nephenee paused grandly, and after several seconds said, "I… don't even know how that would work…"

"But it's _easy," _Heather professed. "I'll show you."

"WAIT!" Nephenee shouted. "I can't… we're not… I mean this is the first… I haven't even…"

"You mean you're a…" Heather said.

"Yes," Nephenee said, "And I don't want to lose…"

"I understand," Heather said.

"You… you do?" Nephenee said. "Thank you, Heather. You've earned this." She then quickly kissed Heather. "Goodbye," she said, "If there is ever a time I'm looking for a female partner, you will be my first choice."

"Yeah," Heather said to herself glumly as Nephenee left, "That'll _never _happen."

-----

When Ike and Soren got downstairs, Heather had already started eating breakfast. And by "eating breakfast", I mean "absent-mindedly over-stirring her tea and not touching her food". Ike wanted to ask how it went, but he figured he could infer it from her behavior.

They both sat down next to her. "Are you okay?" Ike asked.

"Yeah," Heather lied, "It's just that Nephenee was the most beautiful person I had ever seen, and… she didn't want to be with me…"

"If you really love her," Soren said, "You should let her go."

"Yeah, that's why you cling to Ike like an electrified wool sweater."

"But that's different!" Soren argued, "Ike did want me. I don't think it would be wise to pass up the chance."

Heather cried, "She was a virgin, Ike."

"Uh-oh," Ike said, "Did you…"

"No, of course not," Heather responded, "I wouldn't… had I but known, I…"

"It's okay," Ike said, "There are bound to be some failures here and there."

"Like you and Soren," Heather said ironically.

"I love Soren," Ike said, "And he loves me. But… the same wouldn't be true if he dated Skrimir." Soren gave Ike a weird look.

"Why would I date Skrimir?" he asked.

"No reason," Ike responded. "But my point is, not all love is mutual."

"I learned that the hard way, I guess," Heather said.


	5. The Return of the Crying Kitten

Heather was fairly upset that her date with Nephenee didn't go as planned, but she was not totally depressed, for she knew that she had a date with a cute cat-girl ahead of her, even if her bigoted sister was set on making her feel bad about it. She put on a floral print dress. Soren and Ike saw it and their eyes nearly popped out of their heads.

"Who are you and what did you do with Heather?" Ike asked.

"Don't be mean," Heather said, playfully slapping her friend. "This is my innocence outfit."

"Oh, you're wearing an _innocence outfit, _while on a date with _one of Ranulf's groupies. _I don't think that's going to work," Ike said honestly.

"Well my _siren _outfit didn't work yesterday!" Heather said, "I'll just give it a shot."

"I suppose it couldn't _hurt," _Ike said, while thinking, _this relationship is doomed._

Two cats arrived at the door. Heather was extremely pleased when she saw Lethe.

"Changed your mind, huh?" Heather asked.

"No," Lethe said, "_Pervert. _I was just escorting Lyre because she thinks a petite little kitten like herself isn't safe walking alone."

"I'm not a kitten unless you are! You're so _mean, _Lethe," Lyre cried.

"Not only can I not believe we're related, but I also can't believe you're _my age," _Lethe muttered unhappily.

"_Stop being a jerk or I'll tell Ranulf on you!" _Lyre threatened. She looked at Heather's dress, "Ooh! Flowers! Can I pounce on you?"

Heather laughed, "There will be plenty of time for pouncing after dinner!"

"Oh, right!" Lyre said, "We're going out to dinner!!" She purred, and then said, "Horses are for losers! Come ride my back!"

"Uh, Lyre, are you sure you're strong enough to lift me?" Ike asked, "I _am _pretty heavy."

"Poppycock!" Lyre shouted, "…Sorry, I spent a little too much time with a certain stick in the mud during the war…"

They headed toward the inn. But by the time they reached the plaza, Lyre had regretted everything she had done.

----

"Oh, hello kitty!" Largo said, followed by a wolf-whistle.

"Get out of the way, Largo," Calill said, "Hello, ma'am. I'm Calill. What's your name?"

"My name's Lyre," Lyre said, "Perhaps you've met my sister, Lethe?"

"Oh, right, _her," _Calill said, "Was she the one that was constantly bitching about how evil beorc were to laguz?"

"That's her alright," Soren said, with his arms crossed.

"This is a great night for a kitty date, because our special tonight is salmon."

"SALMON!!!" Lyre shouted. "I can't wait!"

The four sat down at their table. Heather asked Lyre, "So, is this your first night out with another woman?"

"Yup!" Lyre answered gleefully. She became distracted by Soren's ponytail. "May I swat it?" she asked.

"No," Soren responded curtly.

"Why not?" Lyre whined. "It's all flaily."

" 'Flaily' isn't even a word, Lyre," Soren responded.

"You're no fun," Lyre pouted.

Heather tied her hair back and offered, "You can swat mine."

"Cool!" Lyre shouted loudly, and then she began to swat the ponytail.

"Well, well, well, isn't this a nice surprise!" a young redhead shouted, "I haven't seen you in _just forever!"_

"I'm sorry," Lyre began, "Who _are _you?"

Upon seeing the gentleness in Lyre's eyes as well as noticing her bright pink attire, the redhead stiffened. "Oh, I'm sorry," she said, "I must've mistaken you for someone else."

"Jill!" Ike said, "This is Lyre, Lethe's sister. Remember her from the war?"

"I can't say I do…" Jill said sadly. "But what is all this? A double date?"

"Yeah," Lyre said, "It's really awesome too!"

"Do you have room for…" Haar began, but then fell asleep before finishing his sentence. Jill slapped him once, "two more?"

"Sure, I suppose," Ike said.

_Is this becoming a regular thing? _Soren thought.

"Well, how have you been?" Jill asked, "Haar and I have been lovely." She then held onto Haar's hand.

"I knew it," Ike said, "I _so _called it!"

"That you did," Soren responded, "That you did. It's unsurprising, considering how good you are at telling people's feelings."

Lyre's eyes were glued to Jill's swaying ponytail. "I wanna SWAAAT it!" she purred.

"Oh," Jill said, holding onto her ponytail, "I suppose that would be fine. You're… more playful than your sister, aren't you?"

"Of course!" Lyre mentioned giddily.

"Umm…" Heather said, "Yeah, I tied my hair up specifically for you and you ignored it and… yeah, I'll shut up now."

Calill brought the salmon which Lyre ate in twelve seconds. "What's taking you so long?" she said to Ike.

"I'm fishing for bones," Ike said.

"Imagine that," Soren teased, "Fishing in a fish. Next you'll say we can go boxing in a box."

"We could _try," _Ike said, "But the box will have to be fairly large."

"Ooh!" Lyre shouted excitedly, "_I _want to go box boxing!"

"Anything you wish, my dear," Heather said seductively.

"YAAY!" Lyre shouted. She ran up the stairs, "Last one there's a smelly tiger!"

"Hey!" Heather shouted, as she chased after Lyre.

"Well," Haar said, "_I'm _sleepy. Let's go to sleep."

"Okay," Jill sighed, as she took Haar to the room.

"I guess it's bed time," Ike said, surveying his dish.

"But Ike, I didn't get a chance to finish…" Soren protested, "Aww… who am I kidding? I wasn't going to finish anyway."

"Come on, Soren," Ike said. "We'll have a delightful time."

-----

"A box?" Soren asked.

"To go boxing in!" Ike said.

"But we can't box! I just KNOW that if this were staged it would be illegal…"

"Relax," Ike said, handing Soren a wooden mallet and grabbing a pillow for himself, "I gave you a handicap."

"A wooden mallet!?" Soren asked, "No, I can't do this. What if I hurt you?"

"Relax," Ike said, "It won't hurt that much."

"I have a better idea," Soren said, "We _don't _box, we _say _we did, and we make love inside the box."

"Hmm…" Ike said, "That's a good plan. I just need to make some adjustments…" Ike then cut the top off the box and all of the sides, so it was just a piece of cardboard. "There," Ike said, "Now we'll fit!"

"But it ruins all the fun if it's just a piece of cardboard…" Soren said.

"Fine," Ike said, "Then we can just go to bed."

"All this could've been avoided if we didn't bring the box in in the first place."

"True," Ike said, "But YOU were the one who suggested it."

"That's _your _fault for mentioning 'fishing for bones'… in a fish."

"And if Lyre wasn't such a fast eater I wouldn't have said it!"

"Nor would she have asked if Calill hadn't made fish," Soren said, laughing.

"People think all the Blame Game causes is pain," Ike said, giggling, "And I must say I agree. Pain from laughter."

------

"Alright, Lyre, are you ready to 'box' in a 'box'?" Heather asked.

"Sure!" Lyre said.

"Here is my 'box,'" she said seductively, "Now let's 'box'."

"That's not a box," Lyre protested, "It's a BED. But okay, whatever you say." Lyre punched Heather.

"Ow!" Heather said, "What was THAT for?"

"You said we could box…" Lyre said.

"I was TALKING about sex!" Heather muttered angrily.

"Oh," Lyre said, laughing, "I knew that."

She then leapt on top of Heather and started kissing her passionately. Suddenly a man arrived at the door. "Well, well, well, I came for hotness and I got it!" he said in a quiet, easygoing voice.

Heather screamed. Lyre squealed, "RANULF!"

"Hey, hey!" Ranulf said, "You ladies mind if I _join?"_

"Of course not!" Lyre shouted, purring.

"YES!" Heather protested adamantly.

"Hey," Ranulf said, "Does someone not like threesomes?"

"I like threesomes fine, as long as everyone in the threesome has BOOBS!" Heather said rudely.

"What?" Ranulf asked, "Why the heck does that matter?"

"Because women are hot and men are not," Heather said, "As a man, you should know!"

"I like men fine," Ranulf said, "And honestly… I thought you were friends with Ike."

"Ike doesn't count because he doesn't think women are hot," Heather said, "You, clearly, do."

"Ranulf likes men and women!" Lyre shouted, "And he is SO GOOD!"

"FINE!" Heather shouted, "If you love him so much, TAKE HIM!"

"I WILL!" Lyre said eagerly, pouncing on Ranulf. Heather bitterly walked out of the room and waited outside Ike and Soren's door until the noises quieted, and then went to sleep on their floor.

Morning arrived and Ike cooed at his boyfriend, "Good morning."

"Good morning, love," was the quiet response. Despite the fact that they were now both awake, they heard quiet snoring. Ike peered at the floor.

"Heather?" he asked, causing the blonde to nearly hit her head on the bottom of their bed in alarm.

"What?" she asked.

"What are you doing in here? I thought you were seeing Lyre…" Ike said, "Or did something terrible happen?"

"Damn catboy," Heather said. "Tell me honestly, you think that Ranulf's not even that hot right?"

Ike hesitated, pondering whether or not to tell the truth and risk being slapped in the face by his boyfriend AND Heather, or to lie about how he thought Ranulf was the ugliest being on Tellius.

"It's okay," Soren said, "I understand being monohomosexual is…unusual to say the least."

"Of course he's hot!" Ike muttered, "Were I not taken, I'd bang him harder than a Bolgonone explosion!"

"At least you're honest," Soren said jealously.

"He's a jerk, isn't he?" Heather asked, "An abusive creep? A cheater? A stalker? Rapist? ANYTHING?"

"No, he's a kind-hearted, open-swinging, perfect gentleman," Ike said, "Looks like you lost your chance with Lyre."

"Count your blessings," Heather said to Soren sardonically.

"I do," Soren responded, with a tone that showed he was unhurt by this gesture, "Every day."

Heather sighed, but began to look brightly toward the future, when she knew that she would not fail—after all, the next date was a personal friend of Ike and Soren's—she had to be good.


	6. Energy Freaks

"Three more dates to go!" Heather shouted, "And I'm excited for this one."

Heather prepared for her date. Tonight she dressed in green. She gave a deep breath and headed off to meet with Ike and Soren, who had promised that they had her date with them already.

"Hey, guys!" Heather shouted, "Where's my honey?"

"She's just getting ready," Ike said, "She should be out in a minute."

"Hey guys!" Mia shouted as she walked out. She was dressed in her usual mercenary gear. Ike and Soren looked at her expectantly, "What? I was brushing my teeth!"

"Don't worry, I'm _sure _it will be fine," Heather said, eyeing Mia's legs.

"My eyes are up here!" the mercenary said, pretending to be indignant, "Gosh, pervert!"

"I'm sorry!" Heather said, worried she had blown her date, just as she had the last two.

Mia simply laughed, "I was just kidding, Heather!"

"Of course you were," Heather said, her eyes shifting.

"Let's go!" Mia shouted, "We don't want to be late for our reservation!" She grabbed Heather's arm and dragged her while sprinting.

"Mia, you know we have horses right?" Ike asked.

"Oh, yeah…" Mia said, "I forgot."

Heather, dizzy and confused, simply said, "She's a keeper."

"Thank you!" Mia shouted perkily.

The four rode to the inn.

---

"Hey, guys!" Calill greeted, "I knew it."

"You knew what?" Ike asked.

"I knew that you'd be showing up again…"

"Well, we made reservations," Ike said.

"And I knew your fourth person would be different again," Calill said, "Hi, I'm Calill."

"I know who you are!" Mia shouted, "Your husband insulted my femininity in the first war!"

"Of course he did," Calill said, narrowing her eyes and glaring at Largo who was across the room, waiting tables. "Come over here, we have your table waiting."

"Tonight's special is fried chicken," Calill said, and then she turned to Mia, and said, "I hope you like it."

"Do I?" Mia asked excitedly. "I LOVE it!"

"That's good to know," Heather said, "So… Mia, you know Ike and Soren!"

"Sure!" Mia responded, "Those two are ALWAYS loud and rowdy at night in our fort."

"I see," Heather said. "I've been getting to hear those 'noises' lately too."

Mia and Heather both began laughing.

"Tonight we have sex _in silence," _Ike whispered to Soren.

"That's easy for _you _to say, penetrator…" Soren responded back in a hushed tone.

Mia giggled uncontrollably. "He said penetrator."

"What ever happened to the use of whispering?" Ike asked.

"I think it died with the invention of the annoying girl," Soren responded.

Mia wiped a tear from her eye, "I'm sorry, guys!"

"I _thought _I heard your voice," a proud male voice proclaimed. "Hi, guys! Well isn't _this _a big old coincidence!"

"Hi, Boyd!" Mia shouted.

"Mia, your girlfriend is _hot!_" Boyd shouted. Mist crossed her arms and cleared her throat. "Well she _is! _You _agree _with me, don't you?"

"I suppose," Mist said.

"Thank you," Heather said, "I do take pride in my appearance. But I think calling me her girlfriend is a bit premature. We're just now dating for the first time."

"Oh, I see!" Boyd said, "Say, can we join you?"

"I suppose there's room for two more," Ike said.

"These _were _supposed to be _double _dates, weren't they? All FOUR of them so far have ended up as _triple _dates," Soren said.

"Personally," Ike said, "I enjoy the diversity of it all!"

"That makes two of us," Mist said, "Isn't it nice having three different couples at these tables?"

"Yeah!" Mia shouted, "Three boys, three girls, no rules pair-offs!"

"Your fried chicken is here!" Calill said, carrying a tray with six plates on it, "I knew this would happen too."

"We're getting quite predictable, aren't we, Calill?" Ike asked.

"Obviously," Calill responded.

Mia grabbed the chicken and munched it indiscriminately. There were crumbs all over her lips. "Here, let me get that," Heather said.

"That's okay, I'll get it my…" Mia began, reaching for her napkin, but was interrupted when Heather kissed her.

"Woo! Woo!" Boyd shouted, earning a glare from Mist.

"I must admit that surprised me," Mia said, "But I will _not _be defeated."

"So, Heather, do you have any wish to become a mercenary?" Mist asked, "Because I'm sure my brother and Soren would be happy to hire you."

"We really would," Ike said.

"Nah," Heather said, "I'm not nearly a skilled enough combatant to be in _your _troupe."

"But you're a damn good thief!" Ike said.

"True, but… I don't _like _being dishonest," Heather said.

"You're really good for someone who doesn't," Soren said, "Me? I can't lie to save my life."

"Why thank you!" Heather said. She whispered to Boyd, "That's the nicest thing he ever said to me."

Boyd and Heather both laughed and Soren muttered, "Uh, yeah, I heard that, but it's not like you care."

"You really should join up with the mercenaries!" Boyd said, "Love to have you!"

"Yeah, and if you and Mia hook up then you won't even need to buy a new bed!" Mist said gleefully.

"Well, to be honest," Heather said, "I _do _feel out of place in this group."

"Not a problem!" Mia shouted, "In fact, we should head up to our room now!"

"What?" Soren said, "Now? But…"

"Good idea, Mia!" Ike shouted, dragging Soren away from his woefully unfinished fried chicken leg. Boyd picked it up and ate it.

Mist glared at him. "What?" he asked, muffled from a mouthful of chicken.

-----

"Okay, baby, now remember not to cry out," Ike said.

"It's not going to work," Soren responded, "I'm going to. Whether I want to or not."

"Well, hmm…" Ike said, fumbling around. He noticed a Silence staff lying on the ground and eyed it menacingly.

Soren's eyes narrowed. "No," Soren said.

"But I promise it won't hurt!" Ike responded, "You know what it's like…"

"Ike, Silence takes a significant toll on a mage's metabolism. Do you want me to gain 20 pounds?" Soren asked.

Ike answered, "Of course!"

"But either way, you are a swordfighter! You don't know the first thing about using a staff! And isn't that staff Calill's anyway? Won't you get in trouble for using it without permission?" Soren asked.

"Don't be so pessimistic," Ike said, "I know what I'm doing!"

Ike used the Silence staff on Soren.

"It didn't work," Soren said.

"Well then I guess I'll have to try again!" Ike said gleefully.

"It still didn't work," Soren said, "And now it's broken. And Calill is going to think it was me! And then I'll get in trouble for something _you _did that I discouraged."

"Well," Ike said, "I guess I'm going to have to shut you up the old-fashioned way."

"What do you mean?" Soren asked nervously. Ike removed his headband and tied it around Soren's mouth.

"Ike," Soren said, slightly muffled, "You forgot to stuff something in there."

"Oh, you're right, I did!" Ike said, untying the headband and putting a dinner roll in there. Soren gave him a confused look.

"Well I don't want to put something gross in there or anything!" Ike explained, and then quickly undressed both of them. Ike took Soren, and throughout the act, the only sound uttered by the mage was a repetitive quiet, muffled groan. At least until he ate the roll.

----

Mia pounced on Heather and stripped her down. "Alright, ma'am, I'm going to make this _nice _and _easy _for you."

"What do you plan to do with me?" Heather asked excitedly.

"I plan… to take you!" Mia shouted.

Heather said, "But, but, _I _wanted to be on top!"

"I told you I wouldn't let you defeat me!" Mia said, before laughing maniacally. "Now, are you going to lie around whining all day, or are you going to _give up?"_

"Well, Mia," Heather said, "I'm quite impressed by your antics!"

"Of course you are!" Mia shouted. "Only one person in the world has the right to top me! And that person is enjoying his delightful boyfriend…"

"You know," Heather said, "I think you're pretty and strong."

"Good to know," Mia said, "But that won't make me submit to you."

"Oh, I knew that already," Heather said, while simultaneously thinking, _dammit._

But despite all of Heather's objections, when Mia did make her intentions known, Heather could not help but admit she liked it.

----

Breakfast was served that morning, and Soren and Ike were already serenely eating at the table when they heard two loud female screams. Soren turned to Ike and said, "Either Heather agreed to Mia's dawn duel, or those two are a match made in heaven."

"Or both, one because of the other, in some order," Ike added.

Heather and Mia ran down the stairs in nothing but their panties, and Heather had a bra on. They were swordfighting.

"Guys…" Ike said, "I don't think that's safe…"

"After you take a ride on the Mia Express, 'safety' becomes moot," Heather said.

"I'm… glad," Ike said dishonestly.

"Mia, would it _kill _you to put a top on?" Soren asked.

"Yes, it would!" Mia lied, "So I won't."

"This is a restaurant," Soren said, "I really don't think this is allowed."

Largo looked from the corridor in, and said, "I will allow it!"

Mia blushed and then said, defeated, "I'll go put a top on…"

"She. Is. _Hot," _Heather said, "And she got me good. I'll always remember this night, with Mia. For better, or for worse."


	7. That's My Metabolism Talking

"Does it have to be _tonight?" _Heather asked, her hair still a mess from her last date.

"Don't worry, Heather," Ike said, "Ilyana is a lot gentler than Mia. You'll be fine."

"Thank the goddesses…" Heather said, "I mean Mia is fun, but she can tire me out big time!"

Heather wrapped her mink coat around her. "How do I look boys?"

"Like you just rolled in a trampled rabbit," Soren responded.

"Shh… don't say the 'R' word, she might _hear _you!" Ike said.

"I heard him," Heather said, "But I'm not offended by the word 'rabbit'… even though this is mink."

"I don't think she's here yet, Ike," Soren said calmingly.

"But you can never be too careful. She's known to pop up when you least…"

"Did somebody say rabbit?" a quiet female voice asked. Ike leaped up and nearly hit the ceiling.

"She's here," Soren muttered.

"Hey!" Heather said, "You're that cutie from the war!"

"Have we met?" Ilyana asked, "I think you might have given me food once…"

"Yes, that's exactly it!" Heather said gleefully, "You DO remember me!" Heather hugged Ilyana.

"Great! And we're getting food today too right?" Ilyana asked.

"Of course," Ike said, "Let's go to the inn."

---

"Wow," Calill said, upon seeing the crew, "Two mages. You two are going to have to come with me later on and perform a trinity."

"Don't worry about that," Ike said, "Soren is the best mage around."

"Use your fire!" Ilyana told Calill.

"I would anyway. Come on, let's get you seated," Calill shouted.

"What's for dinner?" Ilyana asked.

"Spaghetti," Calill responded. A clang was heard in the kitchen. "Hold on, guys, I need to go yell at my husband."

"I understand the urge," Soren joked meanly.

"Hey!" Ike laughed.

"So, you like girls, right?" Ilyana asked.

"Yep," Heather said, "Love them."

"So you would be seduced into getting me food by my cuteness!" Ilyana squealed gleefully, "That Zihark is a _real _bore, and he chews me out for _everything_!"

Ike began to tap his fingers on the table. "What are you doing?" Soren asked.

"They should be here by now," Ike responded.

"Who?" Heather asked.

"I don't know… Sothe and Micaiah!" Ike guessed randomly.

"Why would those two be on a date _here?" _Soren asked.

"The same reason Leanne and Naesala were and Jill and Haar were?" Ike asked. "Give me a break, it's not like this isn't the best date spot on Tellius!"

"Did someone say our names?" a young man asked.

"Speak of the devil…" Soren said.

"Oh, hello, Ike! I see you and that boy you're always with have got yourselves some girls," Micaiah said. "Which is weird because I always thought…"

Sothe whispered to her, "It's another couple."

"Oh, it is? I never got these ideas of 'warm feelings' from either of those two…" Micaiah responded.

"It's called love, dumbass!" Soren shouted, "And furthermore, this is their first date."

"Date? Date!?" Ilyana asked, "I _love _tropical fruits!! Are they dried?"

"Not that kind of date," Ike muttered.

"Say," Ilyana said, changing the subject, "Shouldn't our spaghetti be here by now?"

"Spaghetti!" Micaiah shouted, "Simple, yet appetizing!"

"I'M HUNGRY!" Ilyana roared. She began to gnaw on Ike's arm.

"Umm… ow?" Ike said weakly.

"I figured something like this would happen so I packed a roll," Soren said, reaching into his bag, "Knock yourself out, Ilyana."

"How can anyone live with her?" Sothe asked.

Ike responded, "The world may never know."

Ilyana shouted excitedly, "CANDY!!!!"

"Where did _that _come from?" Heather asked.

"Who knows?" Ike asked, "She just gets weird when she hasn't eaten."

"WHERE THE FUCK IS MY FUCKING SPAGHETTI!?" Ilyana screamed.

"It'll be out in a minute," Calill said, hearing the obscene cry of anguish. She turned back to see her husband with the pot of sauce, the pot of noodles on his head.

"LARGO!" Calill screamed.

"It was AMY, I swear!" he shouted.

The little girl responded, "I didn't do it."

Heather thought fast, and went over to the market across the street, stealthy as a chameleon, and brought back some food for Ilyana.

"I thought you said you didn't like being dishonest when we invited you to join us on the last date," Soren said, somewhat hurt.

"I don't," Heather said, "But this is an emergency."

Ilyana began to eat the food, not merely happily, but ecstatically. Her eyes softened in bliss, and she looked directly in Heather's eyes. "Oh, goddess," she said, "I think I love you."

Twenty minutes later, the spaghetti came out. "FINALLY!" Ilyana shouted. She ate it so quickly that when her tablemates blinked, it was gone.

"Soren, can I have yours?" Ilyana asked.

"Yes," Soren responded, at the same time Ike responded, "No." They looked at each other confusedly.

"Well, then, Micaiah can I have yours?" Ilyana asked.

"Mooch off someone else, why don't you?" Sothe asked rudely.

"Ike, can I…" Ilyana asked, but before the words came out the plate was clean.

"Sothe!" Ilyana said, despairingly.

"Ilyana, what on earth are you talking about? You _have_ food…" he said. Heather's plate had made its way to Ilyana's place.

"But you already gave me food," Ilyana said.

"I know," Heather said, "But you were hungry. I couldn't let a gorgeous little girl like you go hungry."

"I _really _think I love you," Ilyana said gleefully.

"Aww… now I am getting that 'warm feeling' from them too!" Micaiah said proudly.

"It. Is. Called. LOVE!" Soren shouted. "Love! Why are you so afraid to say that word?!"

"I'm not," Micaiah said.

"Then why don't you EVER SAY it?" Soren asked.

"It's… well, it's a bit premature to…" Micaiah said.

"Premature to call me and Ike love, or Naesala and Leanne love, or YOU AND SOTHE love? Honestly, Micaiah, when will it NOT be premature?" Soren asked.

"Soren," Ike said, "You need to calm down." He then kissed Soren and led him to their room.

"Love? Warm?" Ilyana asked, "I _love warm _bread!"

"Sothe," Micaiah said, "What is his problem?"

"He just hates it when people beat around the bush," Sothe responded honestly.

Ilyana followed Heather up to her room.

"Smell you later, Daein!" Heather shouted.

"Mmm…" Ilyana said, "Daein smells like bratwurst…"

------

Soren was crying when they got up to the room. "I'm sorry," Soren said.

"Why?" Ike asked.

"Because I was taking something out on Micaiah… that I should've taken out on you years ago."

"Me?" Ike asked, "What did I do?"

"You beat around the bush. You gave me stealth compliments, and little bits and pieces of affection but you never told me how you felt…" Soren said, "And it infuriated me… because until that one day you said it in so few words… I didn't even know it was mutual."

"I'm… I'm sorry," Ike said, giving Soren a tender kiss. "I was just so insecure, and there was no way for me to tell you I loved you until I knew for sure you loved me."

Soren stopped crying and began to laugh. "Why are you laughing?" Ike asked curiously.

"Because we were both so afraid of rejection, that we made it impossible for the other one to do what they wanted to all along," Soren laughed, "Aren't _we _pathetic?"

"Of course," Ike responded, "And that's why we found each other." Ike kissed Soren gently on the cheek, and then the two of them fell asleep in each other's arms.

------

"Ilyana," Heather asked, "Do you want to lick and nip at me?"

"Oh, yes," Ilyana responded, "You might not be a snack but you still look delicious!"

"Ilyana," Heather said, "The way into your heart is through your stomach correct?"

"That's right!" Ilyana shouted.

"So as long as I continue to cook, you will continue to be happy?"

"That is correct," Ilyana answered, licking at Heather and nibbling on her.

"Ilyana," Heather said, "You would make a great girlfriend."

"Oh, thank you," Ilyana said. As the night went on, Ilyana would get hungry, and somehow, Heather always found something to feed her.

----

"How did it go?" Ike asked when Heather came down. Ike and Soren were well-rested compared to how they had been in previous nights, and opted for juice over tea.

"It went… _awesome!" _Heather said. Ilyana soon followed, eating a bon-bon.

"Heather's great! She unconditionally feeds me _and _I can remember her name!" Ilyana shouted proudly.

Calill wandered into the room, and noticed Soren and Ilyana sitting at the table. "Hey, you guys forgot about our trinity plan!" she shouted.

"Oh, you're right!" Soren said, putting his hands on his cheeks in faux disbelief. "We _have _to do the trinity! Heather, Ike, and Largo if you're in earshot, LEAVE THE BUILDING!"

"But I wanna see," Ike said.

"I said LEAVE!" Soren ordered.

"Can I look in through the window?" Ike asked eagerly.

Soren said flatly, "I don't see why not."

Ike looked in through the window and saw a beautiful collage of colors. And a horrifically wrecked kitchen.

"You're cleaning this up," Ilyana and Soren said in unison to Calill before leaving.

"Damn," she muttered, picking up a broom.

Heather began thinking about her next date; the one with the beautiful Lucia. _Sure, _she thought, _it's dishonest, but she wants me, and honestly, I want her._


	8. Bastian

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Ike asked.

"I'm sure," Heather said, "Besides, what are the chances that I'll be caught anyway?"

"Considering the fact that the Calill Inn is fairly close to Melior, and the adulterer in question is a Duchess of Crimea… very good, actually!" Soren responded. "Watch yourself, Heather. You don't want to end up caught at the receiving end of a wind tome."

"Hey, at least she's not dating _me," _Ike said, "Then she'd probably end up caught at the receiving end of two wind tomes!"

"For the last time, Ike," Soren said, "The tome is the book. Not the spell."

"Well, it's easy to get them mixed up," Ike argued.

Heather put on a silver gown. "That must've cost a lot of money," Ike said, looking at it in disbelief.

"No," Heather said, "I just told the seamstress that if she gave it to me for free I'd stop sexually harassing her daughter."

"That… is not something I want to hear my friend say," Ike said.

"I wasn't even sexually harassing her… I just said I was to get a free dress," Heather said.

"You've been showing me nothing but proof that you don't _mind _being dishonest, so you must have been being dishonest about not wanting to be dishonest. Wow, that was hard to say," Soren said.

"It's always worth a bit of dishonesty to have sex with a gorgeous lady…" Heather said.

"If only I could comprehend a word of that sentence," Soren muttered.

"Can't you?" Heather asked.

"We're supposed to meet Lucia there," Ike said.

"Oh, then won't she be surprised to see me!" Heather said, as the three began to head toward the inn for the final test date.

------

"Welcome to the Calill Inn," Calill said. "No date?"

"Oh, I _have _a date," Heather said happily. "She's supposed to meet me here."

"Heather!" Lucia called over, "I already got us a table."

"Oh, that's good!" Heather said. "Hey, Calill, what's the special?"

"Lobster and clams," Calill responded.

"This far inland?" Heather asked.

"It's all Tohaian," Calill answered.

"Well in that case," Soren said, "I will have nothing to do with it."

"Why can't you just let those racist idiots go already?" Ike asked.

"Because they're racist idiots?" Soren answered in a condescending tone.

"So, Heather," Lucia said, "How have you been? Has life been treating you well?"

"Oh, yes," Heather said, "It's lovely! I mean I had a few off nights, but I've had even more GOOD nights, if you know what I mean."

"Of course I do," Lucia said, and she and Heather began to laugh.

"Lucia!" a voice called. Lucia turned to see her brother, mouth agape and eyebrows lowered in shame.

"What?" Lucia asked.

"Calill told me you were on a date," Geoffrey replied, "But none of the people at your table are Bastian."

"What, so Bastian owns me now?" Lucia asked.

"No," Geoffrey said, "It's just polite for you to…"

"Elincia!" Lucia interrupted rudely, upon seeing the queen, "How has my brother been treating you?"

"Well," Elincia said, "Geoffrey's quite a charming man. Hi, Ike!"

"Hey, Queen!" Ike responded, "Good to see you again!"

"Likewise," Elincia responded, "Hey, Soren."

"It's okay…" Soren said, out loud, although this wasn't on purpose, "Geoffrey is here, nothing will happen…"

Meanwhile Geoffrey was saying pretty much exactly the same thing about Soren.

Elincia sighed, "We've been with them for how long now? And they still think we like each other that way…"

"I thought you did like me that way," Ike said.

"Shh…" Elincia responded, "That was a crush I only would have acted on if Geoffrey had _died."_

"It's good to know, Your Majesty, that men are so disposable to you," Soren said.

"That's not what it is at all!" Elincia said, "But if Geoffrey died I'd be so upset I'd need to find _something _to cheer me up."

"I suppose I can understand that," Soren said.

Geoffrey defended Elincia, "My wife the Queen is not making me feel bad in any sense by saying if I died she would go after another man. It's what normal, healthy women would do." He turned to Heather, and said, "Assuming they liked men of course."

"I know what you meant," Heather said, irritated by the political correctness of the consort.

"Now, my _sister, _on the other hand…" Geoffrey responded, "My sister is proving that _she _has no respect for the feelings of her men."

"Geoffrey!" Lucia shouted, "Bastian doesn't need to know, and what he doesn't know won't hurt him."

Calill brought out the dishes of shellfish. She placed a piece of plain chicken in front of Geoffrey.

"What the heck?" Heather asked.

"He has an allergy to shellfish," Elincia said, "The last time he ate it he bloated up like a bubble."

"Lucia," Heather said, "I hear that shellfish can make you horny."

"I don't need no stinking shellfish," Lucia responded, looking hungrily at Heather.

"This is ridiculous!" Geoffrey screamed in anguish.

"Just be glad that it's not me," Elincia said, stealing a kiss from her husband.

"I am," Geoffrey said, "_Very."_

"Do you hear what I hear?" Heather asked, "I hear our _bedroom _calling us."

"Oh really?" Geoffrey asked, "I thought I heard an approaching bard…"

"Eep!" Lucia shouted, as she quickly followed Heather upstairs.

"You know," Elincia said, "It's not nice to lie to Lucia just because you don't like her behavior."

"What lie?" Geoffrey asked, "Couldn't you hear it?"

"No," Elincia responded.

"Well I could," Soren responded, defending Geoffrey.

Ike said, "I got nothing."

"Hark, do old acquaintance make their ways into the moments of many, the lives of few! Forsooth, the near and present warrior with the hair of cobalt coloration has come! Behold the mafic locks of this man's competition in the matters of the winds! "

"Hi Bastian." Ike and Soren said.

"And, the loveliest couple in this whole sovereign nation is the Queen with her bewitching eyes, and her consort, a friend I know from long ago. But, prithee, tell me, where is the most lovely woman in all of the land?"

"Upstairs knowing a random townie," Soren responded softly. Ike nudged him in correction. "What? HE ASKED!"

"Lucia would… give herself to another man?" Bastian asked, "But… But…"

"Not exactly," Geoffrey said.

"So, the tactician lies!" Bastian said, "Praise the goddess."

"I told the truth," Soren said, "The only word that might have been out of place was 'random'."

"Oh… so you are saying that it is _not _a _man_?" Bastian asked. "I find this hard to believe!"

"Lucia doesn't give a damn about how she behaves, as long as it inconveniences you," Geoffrey said.

"Ah, to inconvenience Bastian, that is what she likes…" Bastian responded, "I feel as though, instead of being as you claim, a sadist, Lucia is simply too weak in her sex to refuse an offer."

"Back up," Elincia said.

"Of course, that was a faux pas, how terrible of me," Bastian responded, "I meant, that she is simply too weak to refuse an offer of sex."

"Better," Elincia answered.

"It's getting late," Ike said, "Soren and I should be getting to bed soon. Bastian, I suggest that you talk to Lucia about how you really feel about her and maybe she will stop."

"Alas," Bastian said, "I fear that will not work."

"It couldn't hurt to try," Geoffrey butted in.

------

"Ike," Soren said, "Would you ever cheat on me?"

"No," Ike responded.

"Not even if Ranulf was in your room, totally naked, waiting to be taken, while I was at the market?" Soren asked.

"I would _try _not to cheat on you," Ike said, "But if I was overcome with passion in that moment, I would tell you about the incident immediately, and hope you would forgive me."

"Even if I threatened to kill you and your lover if you ever cheated on me?" Soren asked.

"You wouldn't," Ike responded, "Because you've told me time and time again you couldn't live without me. The only person you would kill would be _you, _but you wouldn't do that anyway because I would stop you."

"But you would never sleep with another man and treat it like a bad thing when I found out?" Soren asked.

"Soren," Ike said, "Look at me. I love you. Ranulf might be the sexiest man on Tellius, and he would be difficult to resist if he presented himself to me in the way you suggested, but what his appeal is? It's all superficial. It's all in-the-moment. You, you're appealing because of your soul and because you are the most brilliant, honest, loyal, and underappreciated person I know." Ike kissed Soren's cheek softly.

"Lucia frightens me," Soren said, "Because she is like you. And Bastian is like me. And to see her cheat on him so _brazenly…"_

"Relax," Ike said, "No matter how much Lucia has in common with me on the outside and in terms of military vocation, she does not share my personality."

"Ike," Soren said, "Kiss me?"

"An easy request to accommodate," Ike said, pressing his lips against Soren's.

"I love you," the mage whispered into his commander's ears.

"Right back at you, baby," Ike said. "Speaking of love, I wonder how the girls are doing?"

"If my calculations are correct," Soren said, "Bastian will barge in on them and give them an indignant tirade in exactly nine minutes."

------

Almost nine minutes later, Heather and Lucia were both completely disheveled. "You are _really _good!" Heather shouted.

"I have practice…" Lucia said.

"I mean, you are _really, really _good!" Heather repeated.

"LUCIA!" Bastian shouted, tears in his eyes, "I thought you loved me!"

"I thought you loved me?" Lucia asked, "Is that all you have? No flowery convoluted poetry?"

"The amorous dreams I once held are now all just a blur. My fair mistress has a taken a mistress of her own, and now I see, that all I once believed would only the goddess have made you a woman interested in the harsher sex…"

"Bastian, I _do _like men…" Lucia said, "And I like you. But… I'm not like you. I'm not content to devote myself to just one person. I take a holistic approach to even my love-life."

Heather heard the words explained, and thought back to her date with Nephenee, and those words echoed in her head.

"_They're really in love…just like I am with you."_

"_No, you aren't."_

"Lucia," Heather said, "You're a beautiful woman, but you aren't for me. I want a woman who is ready to please _me, _and to give herself to _me. _The _very fact _you offered yourself to me when taken by Bastian shows that you are not the kind of woman I can count on to do that. And, if you aren't there, then I can't love you. I'm selfish. I need a whole woman. And… there's no reason you should date a woman who doesn't love you, when you can have a man who does." Heather pointed to Bastian.

"No," Lucia said, "You aren't selfish. _I'm _the selfish one, trying to have everyone."

"But worry not, my lovely bedtime mate; for I love you with harsh intensity!" Bastian shouted, "Fear not I will the lady killer in the form of dame!"

"Good to know, Bastian," Heather said, "Good to know. Lucia… you know what to do."

Heather walked out of the room.

"Bastian," Lucia said, "I'm… I'm sorry."

"My dear," Bastian said, "Impulse of lust, she is a demon, she must be destroyed. But between us, we have more than lust, we have a feeling of love we all enjoy."

"I totally agree," Lucia said, "I totally agree."

Heather left satisfied that she had done the right thing. "Oh," she said, "So that's what it feels like."

----

In the morning, Heather was in surprisingly good spirits.

"Good date with Lucia?" Soren asked trying to figure out why she was so happy.

"I turned her down," Heather said, "She's beautiful, but she isn't mine."

"Heather," Ike said, "Congratulations. You did the right thing."

"Still though," Heather said, "Even with those three failed dates, there were three good ones too, and it will be so hard to pick a girlfriend."

"You have all the time in the world," Ike said, "I remember when we first met you thought I was some kind of pig."

"And I couldn't get any of these girls to date me," Heather said, "Until… you and Soren helped me out. Thanks a lot, guys." Heather pulled the boys into a hug.

"This is awkward," Soren said.

"Oh, I promise you two it's purely platonic," Heather assured.

"So what's next for us?" Ike asked.

Heather looked out the window contemplatively. Calill walked in and suggested, "Hey, there's a couple's cruise coming up… maybe you should go there?"

"But that would require you picking a girlfriend."

"No worries," Heather said, "I'm sure I'll come up with something."

Author's Note: Sorry this was so late. By the way, last call for voting!


	9. All Is Blissful

Author's Notes: Thank you to everyone who voted before 6:00 PM PST on Monday January 18.

"Mia," Heather said.

"Who me?" Mia asked.

"Yes, you…" Heather responded. "How do you like boats?"

"Boats?" Mia asked, "I guess they're okay… why?"

"Because," Heather said, "I wanted to go on a couple's cruise with Ike and Soren and… well I thought I'd take you."

"Really?" Mia asked, "Me?"

"Yeah… you're beautiful, Mia, and brave, and strong, and fun. I love you, Mia…" Heather said, "And…I would be honored to submit to you."

"Good," Mia responded, "Because you're going to have to get used to it."

Mia rushed into the fort, where she ran into Boyd and Mist.

"Good news, guys! Heather and I are an official couple now!" Mia shouted.

"That's great!" Boyd said, "I so called it."

"Yes you did," Mist responded, and they bumped fists.

"So does that mean you're coming on the couples cruise?" Boyd asked.

Mia responded, "Yeah! You too?"

"Wouldn't miss it for the world."

-----

"_Hey Vika, I hear you got turned down," Tormod said, holding a cake that says 'We're Sorry'._

"_It's okay," Vika said, "You know, I don't really know if relationships are right for me. And… I'll always have you guys."_

"_Indeed you will," Muarim responded. Tormod, Muarim, and Vika had a big group hug._

------

"We're expecting!" Naesala shouted gleefully.

"Leanne's pregnant?" Ike asked.

"Yes," Naesala said, "And she doesn't look it, does she?"

"Of course not," Soren responded.

"Herons are very good at hiding things like that," Naesala answered.

"Nahcaka!" Leanne said, "In Arasien…"

"Yes," Naesala said, "And if it's a girl we'll name her Leanne Jr."

"Creative names," Soren said rolling his eyes.

"I didn't ASK your opinion," Naesala said coldly. He and Leanne both left.

-----

_Nephenee sat on a fence near her farm, looking dejected. Brom walked up to her and asked, "Nephenee, what's wrong?"_

"_Oh," Nephenee said, "It's just I feel really bad about what I did to Heather."_

"_What did you do to her?" Brom asked._

"_I might have broken her heart," Nephenee responded._

"_No," Brom said, "I'm sure you didn't. Girls like Heather, well, they're resilient. Life keeps on throwing them lemons, but they'll keep on making lemonade! And so should you, Neph."_

"_Alright," Nephenee said, "I will."_

_----_

"You know," Astrid said, "It's finally happened. Makalov hit the jackpot. We're rich."

"You would have been rich anyway if you hadn't left your family in the first place," Soren noted.

"But then I wouldn't have the thrill of the gamble," Astrid said, "There is something that can be said for sacrificing things for love."

"Like my rights to be on top," Heather said.

"Exactly," Mia responded, "Exactly!"

"Say, maybe you should try gambling sometime…" Makalov said.

"No," Ike said, "I'd rather stay in our comfortable stasis."

"Oh, you are so boring," Makalov dismissed.

-------

"_Oh, Lyre!" the catboy shrieked._

"_RANUUULF!" the catgirl replied._

"_Lyre!" Ranulf shouted. A few moments later he looked around. "Uh… where are we?"_

"_I… don't know," Lyre responded._

_The two of them shrugged and resumed their risqué positions._

_-----_

"So how has life been treating you two?" Heather asked.

Jill responded, "Oh, it's going quite well. In fact, we've never been happier. Right, Haar? Haar? HAAR!"

Her husband awoke with a start, drool trailing down his mouth. "Huh, what?" he asked.

"You fell asleep… again," Jill said.

Jill and Haar both laughed about it.

"And we can laugh about our misgivings together too, right Mia?" Heather asked.

"What misgivings? I HAVE no misgivings!" Mia said. Heather was intimidated. "I was just kidding, you big fraidy cat!" Mia shouted, laughing.

"You do that a lot, don't you?" Heather asked, "'Tis cute."

"Thank you!" was the happy reply.

-----

"_Oh, I had one chance to be with a person who gave me food that I remembered the name of and I blew it… somehow, although I'm not exactly SURE how."_

"_Hey, relax," a calm male voice said, "You remember my name, and I give you food."_

"_Yeah," Ilyana said, "I guess you do. But still, you scold me and cajole me for overeating… and… she didn't."_

"_Sometimes there are traits that just should not be encouraged," Zihark shrugged, "If she was unwilling to stick to her guns when talking to you, she's not good enough for you."_

"_I… but she seemed PERFECTLY willing is the thing," Ilyana said, "She was just wonderful."_

"_Yeah," Zihark said, "It's _so _wonderful that she's an enabler."_

"_Hey!" Ilyana said, hitting Zihark playfully._

_------_

"So, what's the next plan for you and Sothe, Micaiah?" Ike asked.

"We're going to try to buy the eastern region of Crimea," Micaiah said.

"Oh, no you aren't!" Ike shouted.

"Okay, FINE, we won't. We'll try to buy the eastern region of Begnion?" Micaiah said, changing her answer.

"Good luck with that," Soren said, rolling his eyes.

"Hey, everything's worth a try," Heather said, "If I hadn't tried becoming friends with Ike, I never would have met Mia."

"And if Heather hadn't made friends with Ike, I would never have met her."

"True," Soren said. Then he said, completely sincerely, "Good luck with that. I mean it, Sothe."

"It'll be an easy deal," Sothe said, "The ruler is Micaiah's sister."

-------

"Bastian," Lucia said, "I'm sorry about… cheating on you."

"Ah, fair maiden, I would be a stubborn fool not to forgive thee," Bastian responded.

"You are so… so… spineless," she responded.

"Your words sting, but somehow, I keep coming back for more," Bastian purred. The mage rested his head on the swordfighter's breast.

"Heather was right," Lucia said, "This is nice."

"That is the one truth," Bastian responded.

------

"So, are you guys going to be okay at the castle?" Ike asked, "I'm just wondering."

"Yes," Elincia responded, "Please don't worry about us, Ike."

"Well, as long as you're sure," Ike said. "You know, there always seems to be some kind of crisis…"

"I promise that we will be fine, Ike," Elincia responded.

"Okay," Ike said. "Geoffrey, you're keeping her self-esteem up, I hope."

"Yeah," Geoffrey responded, "I of her and she of me."

"And you're going to keep my self-esteem up, right Mia?" Heather asked.

"You betcha! In fact, I might just let you win once in a while."

"Well, that's nice… hey! Let me win! What do you _mean '_let me win'?" Heather asked, shoving Mia playfully.

"I mean exactly what I said," Mia responded.

"Why you!" Heather said, chasing after and tackling Mia, after which she started tickling her.

-----

"It was nice to do one more good deed before leaving Tellius," Ike said.

"Leaving Tellius?" Soren asked, "Why are you leaving Tellius?" Soren looked hurt.

"_I'm _not leaving Tellius. _We _are," Ike responded.

"W-we?" Soren stuttered out.

"Yes, you and me," Ike said.

"You two are leaving Tellius!?" Mist asked, "No fair!"

"How come we weren't informed of this!?" Boyd asked.

"Well, frankly," Ike responded, "I didn't want to tell you because it might hurt your feelings."

"Well, it does!" Mist shouted.

"I have my reasons for doing so," Ike responded.

"We know," Boyd answered, "But, you know, you're one of my best guy friends and without you, I won't have anyone _fun _to play with… except Gatrie but he always drools at my wife."

"He does!?" Ike asked, very concerned.

"Don't worry," Boyd answered, "I protect her."

"Whoa, whoa, hold on," Heather said, "You're LEAVING? You just got me a girlfriend and ran?"

"I did something else besides getting you a girlfriend," Ike said, "I got you to trust men. Remember, when we first met, you couldn't _stand _any of them… including me. And now, it sounds like you're going to miss me."

"Well, yes," Heather responded, "I am going to miss you…" She sighed, "But with Mia, I'm sure I can make it."

"Well, boss, or I guess, it's 'former boss' now… thank you for finding me this _excellent _mate."

"You know," Ike said, "I didn't help you specifically… it was _Heather _who chose you. Over five other girls."

"Only four," Heather said, "The other one rejected me outright."

"Thank you, Heather," Mia said, "It really makes me feel special."

"You're welcome," Heather said, pressing her lips against Mia's.

Ike turned to Soren. "You never actually gave me an answer," Ike said.

"There was a question?" Soren asked. Ike kissed him gently.

"I promise to take care of you forever," Ike said.

"Right back at you, hon," Soren responded.

"Did you hear what Ike and Soren just said?" Heather asked.

"Yeah, why?" Mia asked.

"Do you mind if I echo it?" Heather asked.

"Only if I can't help," Mia said, "I promise to take care of _you _forever."

"Right back at you," Heather said, "My one true love."


End file.
